Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
