After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
