Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
