I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
