4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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