Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
