my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Randomize
