I skipped work to stalk him.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
