dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Randomize
