I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
