What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
