I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
