She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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