Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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