Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
