What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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