ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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