you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
