I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
