If that was your dad, he is hot
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You were trust falling into bushes
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
