And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
