I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
