Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
