Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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