Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
