Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
