I think my vagina is haunted
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
