We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
