As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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