I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You ruined the universe
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
