Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
