On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
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He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
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He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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