biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
