Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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