We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
