I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
