I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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