you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i believe in u and ur pee
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
