How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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