I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
