how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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