Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
