so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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