i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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