I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
