Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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