We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
