fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
