nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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