you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
