before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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