His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
