If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
