burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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