Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
