i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
