There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
