Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
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It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
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I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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