he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
