you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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