You just made me feel so damn special
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
