Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize