My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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