I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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