trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize