You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm going to jail i love you
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
