I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
