im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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