I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
