actually, I'm a sock model
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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