They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
