Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
