Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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