and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
